Tuesday, September 8, 2009

If I used Twitter...

...it would probably look something like this.

i'm bored

hey my cat just brought me a lizard

i told that camel to suck my dick!

i'm eating a cookie

Girls, if you're ever going to wear pasties for any reason make sure to get some that are a color your nipples could never possibly be.

i just farted on Rambo

rambo just farted on cliff

rambo and cliff and i just farted on bonji

MUH-NAY! and stuff

hey my cat just brought me a bird

fuck you cliff.

im thirsty and my butt itches

my butt doesn't itch anymore but, i'm still thirsty

if you haven't heard (insert random obscure stoner band) yet you suck


i still think the "Shit Mitt" is a good idea.

i'm bored.

the retarded kid down the street is mowing my grass again.

any sentence that begins with, "Oh My God! My pants..." never ends well.

i'm bored.

i just took a dump.

hey my cat just brought me a cricket

i own 1473 CD's and 586 DVD's. guess how many women i've had sex with?

wild rice and black beans go really well together.

My mom just said blowjob! On purpose! Like in a sentence!

i forgot what i was gonna say.

how did i ever keep my asshole clean before i got a shower massager

i'm bored.

i better go see what my cat has in his mouth.


  1. The shit mitt still has some issues to work out, I think. You should be on Twitter. I hate it but these would be good.

  2. I just revisited this post and am now adamant that you should be on Twitter.. you'd go viral and in the good way.

  3. with your experience, im sure you could write something deep about penises...it does suck about dan and megan but sometimes thats the way shit goes. i know youve had your share of the friendship bullshit...

  4. How did I not know you had a blog? Why aren't you on Twitter? Oh yeah, Twitter sucks. But you should do it. I could follow you on Facebook and never even go to Twitter. You make me laugh. Write more.